Aloha, fellow thoughtcriminal!

If you love to watch literotica and magical realism and satire get it on and spawn (oh, my!), then welcome to the virtual anteroom outside the enchanted queendom that is the head of Ian Philips.

That's me, by the way. (I think it's awfully antiquated to talk about oneself in the third person, don't you? Of course, if you linger long enough here, or in my books, you'll see I'm not as down on all things old-fashioned. At least, in literary technique. In fact, I have a most perverse love of mixing the ancient and post-postmodern. But I'm getting ahead of our tour…)

Now if you're not certain what the bastard child of literotica and satire, reared by the dear wet nurse that is magical realism, would look like, have no fear. I offer up this free sample about one of the biggest bastards around.

Behold, Lady Literotica's Love Song to George W. Bush on the Occasion of His Ascension as God-Emperor of the Republic of Gilead on January 20, 2005. (Never heard of Gilead. Well, Margaret Atwood has a Handmaid's Tale for you.) I call it "What the Market Will Bear." (If you like it, please tell your friends to come and enjoy it as well. And if you really like it, please buy the book from whence it sprang, Satyriasis, under Buy Me and give it to your most kinky and your most uptight friends and family.)

Now if that story doesn't scare you away, I have other tales for you. Even a whole cheat sheet on anything I've even smuggled into print. And a bio and a FAQ and a calendar of events. All the trappings of early 21^st-century shameless self-promotion.

And if you've visited here before and noticed it takes me forever to add or subtract anything from my cyberanteroom, well, I can explain.

Check out What's New. Therein I shall elaborate how I'm a busy mother bear these days, raising a novel of her own, and a denful of wonderfully voice-driven works by other queer geniuses at Suspect Thoughts Press.

And before you cyberburrow farther through the rabbit warren that is the web, please take a look at my links. C'mon. You know you want to.

Here you'll find other artists and causes I feel you should know about. After all, 99% of all artists in America are starving artists--especially if we tried--and many do!--to live off our craft alone.

And what's the good of being notorious--and someday I hope, infamous--if you can't use this nelly cyperpulpit to corrupt the minds of innocents even further. So if you're ripe for corruption, then let me lift my skirt so you can get a really good look.

Top photo credit: Jack Slomovits (New York, 2004)

Bottom photo credit: Linda Catalano (San Francisco, 1989)